Initiating new sexual behaviours in heterosexual relationships.(Report)

Abstract: Sixty-four female and 33 male university students participated in a study of how relationship partners introduce new sexual behaviours into an ongoing relationship. Participants rated the likelihood that a hypothetical couple would use differing tactics to initiate a new sexual behaviour into the relationship. The scenario presented a couple who were together for either three weeks or two years. Participants then rated the likelihood that they would use these same tactics in their own relationship. The different initiation tactics were created from the bi-polar dimensions outlined by Hickman and Muehlenhard (1999)--direct/indirect and verbal/nonverbal. Results indicated that while participants perceived a shift to more verbal tactics as relationships became longer, this shift was not evident in participants' personal relationships. Longer relationships were associated with a drop in the use of direct, nonverbal tactics; however, no other approaches to initiating new sexual behaviours differed as a function of relationship length. In addition, number of sexual partners and sexual self-disclosure were positively correlated with verbal, but not nonverbal, tactics, while erotophobia-erotophilia was positively correlated with all four tactics.

Introduction

 
   It's a lot easier to introduce sexual novelty and undisclosed 
   aspects of eroticism in one-night stands or an affair than in your 
   marriage. It's a greater challenge to your sense of self when 
   you're with a spouse. That's why sexual boredom (and affairs) are 
   so prevalent. We demand stability in marriage--and when we get it, 
   we complain that things are always the same. The resulting boredom 
   contributes to low desire (Schnarch, 1997, p. 151). 

Schnarch's (1997) comment highlights the competing forces of relationship stability and sexual novelty. The longer our romantic relationships, the less willing we are to risk being sexually novel; however, the sacrificing of novelty may lead to a more tedious sex life. Keeping the spontaneity alive in a sexual relationship can be a significant challenge, especially in long-term relationships. How do individuals go about initiating new sexual behaviours in their established intimate relationships? What might account for the variability in the tactics used to initiate new sexual behaviours?

To begin, the question of why individuals would want to initiate sexual novelty in their ongoing relationships should be addressed. There are at least two main reasons why maintaining sexual novelty with one's partner may be desired: boredom and discrepancies in sexual desire.

Sexual boredom

Sexual boredom is defined as "the tendency to experience boredom with the sexual aspects of one's life" (Watt & Ewing, 1996, p. 57). The growing familiarity with one's partner and the repetition of daily routines can make sexual boredom a real possibility for many couples. Research has demonstrated a decrease in sexual interest and desire for sex with a partner with an increase in familiarity and/or habituation (of sexual arousal) (Schwartz, 1994; Kaplan, 1995). Although Watt and Ewing (1996) denoted sexual boredom as a personality trait, North American society clearly plays a role in creating very high expectations for sexual satisfaction. Tunariu and Reavey (2003) suggest that much of what we understand to be sexually satisfying (and conversely, boring) is socially constructed and sustained by prevalent cultural agreements, norms, and commonplace practices communicated to us through education and media. For example, the self-help literature on how to improve your sexual life regularly focuses on the holy grail of sexual variety which not only avoids the "rut" of monotony, but also enhances sexual satisfaction. Therefore, sexual boredom can be understood as an individual difference shaped by culture. This is not unlike sexual scripting theory which suggests that the script unique to each individual is constructed from incoming cultural messages, the interpersonal dynamics of each situation, and the ability to combine these with one's individual understanding (Gagnon, 1990).

Gagnon (1990) states that as relationships evolve, couples' ideas about what is normally part of a sexual interaction will change. In other words, with increasing experience or relationship length, people develop a schema for sexual interactions. In many cases, the range of sexual behaviours will narrow, the remaining behaviours will become more habitual and the sequences of interaction will become more predictable. This means a person is able to predict the reaction(s) of his/her partner to their typical sexual interactions. For example, through previous encounters a man may indicate to his female partner that by kissing her passionately and smiling, that he wishes to engage in intercourse. He has learned that there are times when this action is likely to get a favourable response from his partner, such as after a romantic dinner and when it will be less successful, such as after a tough day at work. Interpersonal scripts give us an understanding of what is allowed and/or required within a given sexual interaction (Simon & Gagnon, 1987). As a consequence of the growing familiarity with the sexual scripts unique to a particular couple, they become less likely to initiate new sexual behaviours. This can be a very comfortable state for many couples because it is predictable and the couple may be satisfied with the type and intensity of sexual activity; however, it may also devolve into stagnation. Conversely, the intimate familiarity with a long term partner also provides a level of comfort that could allow for more discussions about sexual likes and dislikes without the risk of losing the relationship. Byers and Demmons (1999) found that participants who had been in their relationship longer or were in an exclusive dating relationship reported more self-disclosure of a sexual nature. This highlights the possibility of greater verbal discussions of sexuality in relationships of longer duration.

On an individual level, the implications of sexual boredom for couples are significant. Watt and Ewing (1996) suggest that sexual boredom is the most destructive source of problems in dating couples. Sexual boredom has also been reported as an important reason for sexual infidelity by young adults (Shackelford & Buss, 1997) and for relationship dissolution in both short and long-term couples (Counts & Reid, 1986; Gigy & Kelly, 1992). Even if these relationships do not dissolve, Watt and Ewing (1996) note that sexual boredom can lead to sexual and relationship dissatisfaction, lowered sexual desire, and feelings of failure and blame.

Although the natural assumption is to believe sexual boredom increases with age or length of relationship, research has demonstrated otherwise. Using younger (17-24 years of age) and older samples (25-61 years of age) of students, Watt and Ewing (1996) found that age and gender interact. Younger men had the highest scores on sexual boredom, followed by older men, older women, and younger women respectively. Other research has found that general boredom tends to decrease with age (Vodanovich & Kass, 1990). It seems that sexual boredom is not necessarily relegated to those individuals in long-term relationships. In fact, dating couples who terminate their relationships frequently list boredom as a general reason (Hill, Rubin, & …