A phenomenological investigation of same-sex marriage.

ABSTRACT: Same-sex marriage was first legalized in the Netherlands in 2001, and now court rulings have legalized it in certain regions of Canada and the United States. What is the experience of gay and lesbian individuals who have married? This phenomenological study is based on interviews with 43 individuals, representing 22 married or soon-to-be-married couples living on three continents. The fight for same-sex marriage is about honouring the feelings that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) individuals have for their partners, and it also highlights the continuing struggle experienced by LGBT persons who demand equal rights, both legally and psychosocially. Same-sex marriage is here to stay, and increasing our understanding of this phenomenon is an important new area of social science research.

Key words: Same-sex marriage Homosexual relationships Male homosexuality Female homosexuality Phenomenology

INTRODUCTION

Love and romance, intimacy, and lifelong vows of commitment and partnership could never be part of homosexuality, it was mistakenly believed. Now a generation of people in many countries, making their lives together as partners in life, have proved this bias to be wrong. This false conception of homosexuality in the past reduced the whole person and his or her goals and aspirations to nothing more than sex, denying all of the full and loving person as well as his or her creativity, civility, and spirituality (Herdt, 1997, p. 178).

The legalization of same-sex marriage is a recent societal development that is considered highly controversial by many heterosexual and lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) individuals alike (Yep, Lovaas, & Elia, 2003). Polls taken in Canada have shown its residents to be nearly 50 percent in favour of legalized same-sex marriage (Mofina, 2003), while a recent American poll conducted by ABC News has suggested less support for its legalization in the U.S. (i.e., 55 percent against) (Sussman, 2004). Within the LGBT community, those who support the institution of marriage for same-sex couples are referred to as having an assimilationist position, while those who oppose it are said to subscribe to a radical position (Yep et al., 2003).

Regardless of one's views on the subject, "Queer marriage has come to Canada to stay" (Lahey & Alderson, 2004, p. 99). On December 9, 2004, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that same-sex marriage is in accord with the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, the legal document that protects human rights for all Canadians. As marriage in Canada falls under federal jurisdiction (Lahey & Alderson, 2004), anticipated legislation from Parliament will have an important impact on whether the precedents on same-sex marriage already set by six provinces and one territory in Canada (Table 1) will be affirmed nationally.

The situation in the United States is more complicated. The status of same-sex marriage there will require legal reform to both state and national laws and constitutions. Consequently, the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout the U.S. will require a much longer process. Nonetheless, the U.S. has become the fourth country on earth, albeit only within the state of Massachusetts, to legalize same-sex marriage. The full chronology of legal same-sex marriage to date is shown in Table 1.

Given the recency of these legal reforms, little is known about same-sex couples who choose to marry. Solomon, Rothblum, and Balsam's (2004) work is one of the first quantitative studies to compare gay and lesbian individuals (n = 212 women, 193 men) who have had civil unions--a state recognized same-sex contract similar to marriage--in Vermont during the first year they became available there (i.e., 2000) with both heterosexuals and other gays and lesbians. One comparison group consisted of 166 lesbians and 72 gay men who were part of their friendship circles who had not chosen to have a civil union. Comparisons were also made between the civil-union couples and their heterosexually married siblings and their spouses (n = 219 women, 193 men). The researchers found that the heterosexually married couples had been together longer and had established more traditional division of labour and child care duties compared to the lesbian and gay couples who had a civil union. The results also indicated "that legalized same-sex relationships are related to visibility of same-sex couples to their families and the general public" (Solomon et al., p. 275).

How same-sex marriage will affect heterosexuals' views and attitudes toward the LGBT community remains uncertain, although anecdotal comments from some activists in Denmark suggest that gay men and lesbians have become integrated into Danish society, and that they are now perceived there as "normal" (Landsforeningen, as cited in Soland, 1998). Denmark has the longest history of legalizing same-sex relationships, following their enactment of registered domestic partnerships (RDPs) in 1989. RDPs in Denmark are similar to civil unions in Vermont: both, however, are different from marriage--neither are considered a marriage, and neither require a divorce to end the couple's legal contract with each other. In effect, both RDPs and civil unions create a separate system for LBGT individuals when compared to heterosexual marriage. Quoting from a judge who rendered the court decision regarding the enactment of same-sex marriage legislation in Massachusetts, "The history o four nation [the U.S.] has demonstrated that separate is seldom, if ever, equal" (Lahey & Alderson, 2004, p. 63).

The possibility remains that societal attitudes toward LGBT individuals in general and same-sex marriage in particular will become more liberal with the passage of time. As LGBT persons elect to become more visible and as same-sex marriage continues to exist as a social institution, greater respect for the committed relationships of LGBT individuals may occur, thereby diminishing outward signs of homophobia and homonegativity.

There are many studies reported in the published literature to date that describe gay and lesbian committed relationships (Bohan, 1996; Bryant & Demian, 1994; Kurdek, 1995; Kurdek & Schmitt, 1986; McKirnan & Peterson, 1989; Peplau, 1993; Smith & Brown, 1997). Research by Peplau and Cochran (1990) also revealed that there is little difference between heterosexual marriage and committed gay relationships. Since these accounts of committed gay and lesbian relationships were published, same-sex marriage has arisen on the LGBT scene, and we know little about how these couples construct their relationships within the new context of marriage, an institution traditionally reserved for heterosexual couples. The main research question underlying the current qualitative study is, "What is your experience of being in a same-sex marriage?"

METHODS

PARTICIPANTS AND SAMPLING

Twenty-one same-sex couples were interviewed and one gay man alone (his spouse was unavailable for the interview). Consequently, the sample consisted of 43 individuals, representing 9 lesbian couples and 13 gay male couples. Their ages ranged from 30 to 66 (mean = 46.3). Although most of the couples were legally married at the time of their interview (n = 13 couples), eight couples were soon to get married and one couple in Amsterdam was united in a registered domestic partnership (note: these legal contracts predated same-sex marriage in the Netherlands). Table 2 provides further demographic information on the participants.

The author received e-mail addresses and telephone numbers for 12 of the couples interviewed from Kathleen Lahey, co-author of Same-Sex Marriage: The Personal and the Political. Dr. Lahey knew many of these couples personally, and legally represented three couples in British Columbia during the court battles there for same-sex marriage. Each of these 12 couples were involved to a greater or lesser extent in fighting the legal battle for same-sex marriage in either Canada or the U.S. Their complete stories, along with four of the other couples interviewed, are contained in Lahey and Alderson (2004). Six couples made contact with the author directly after Egale Canada, a national organization that advances equality for LGBT individuals, forwarded an e-mail sent to them requesting participation from same-sex married couples in Canada. The two couples living in Amsterdam were recruited from a contact the author had there. One of the interviewees introduced the author to the Hong Kong couple, gay activists themselves in Hong Kong. They travelled to Toronto to get married. Finally, the couple together for 47 years was suggested to the author while talking to a stranger in a coffee shop.

DESIGN AND PROCEDURE

Phenomenology was chosen as the qualitative approach in this research. Phenomenology is focused on individuals' meaning making as the quintessential element of the human experience (Patton, 2002). The important findings derived from phenomenology are an understanding of a phenomenon as seen through the eyes of those who have experienced it. Phenomenological inquiry holds the assumption that there is an essence or essences to shared experience (Patton, 2002).

Prior to each interview, the participants were mailed a two-page biographical questionnaire, the informed consent form, and a page containing 16 sample interview questions. The study protocol was approved by the University of Calgary's Conjoint Ethics Board. All names associated with quotes from participants are pseudonyms. The interviews in British Columbia, Alberta, Ontario, Quebec, and the Netherlands were done in person. Telephone interviews took place for couples living in Manitoba, the Maritimes, and …