The hot button of housing; Big purchase often becomes a delicate dance for couples; can each side come home happy?(Residential Real Estate:Trade-offs)(Robert A. Portale of Relo Direct Inc.)

Byline: LISA BERTAGNOLI

For couples, house hunting involves making decisions-and lots of them-that can be flashpoints in a relationship. City or suburbs? Near her workplace or his? Be pioneers or buy in an established area? Splurge or stick to the budget?

"It's one big dance, one big negotiation,'' says Robert A. Portale, 38, president and CEO of Chicago-based Relo Direct Inc., which assists executives with relocation. "It takes time to make sure everybody's needs are met.''

Mr. Portale's wife, Joan, and their four children have moved eight times during his career. In February, they moved from a 4-acre property in Oxford, Conn., to a four-bedroom colonial in Naperville.

In 2002, when they moved from New Jersey to Connecticut, Mr. Portale had made a promise. "I said, `Gang, we'll never have to do that again.' ''

The opportunity to be a CEO in Chicago, however, proved too attractive to resist.

After scouting the Chicago area on the Internet, the couple agreed to look for a home in Naperville, which Money magazine had named the No. 2 spot to live in the country.

Then negotiations began within the family.

First item: Ms. Portale, who had just finished redecorating their Connecticut …